Ok, I made my font blue because it's Saturday night and I'm feeling sorry for myself . . . . and I'm a little tired.

Really, life is going well, but sometimes . . . .

For the last two nights I've tried to get out and do something but the self-dating gods have not been with me.

Yesterday, I took off work early because it was slow and I could not bring myself to call Medicare again trying to get information on a project that I got after it grew stale from lack of interest on the part of those who started it. Sigh. So I went home and took a nap (I think my headstone is going to say, "She's just napping until she reincarnates") . . . a 4 hour nap. I woke up at 6:42--the time when I should have been in line to purchase my ticket at the planetarium. So . . . no planetarium.

Today, after two hours of yard work in my back yard, essay grading, a trip to the grocery store, a nap and a walk, I went to the free play at the community college where I teach . . . (free is in my price range). I try to support student productions when I can. The stage that was picked for this production was the studio stage . . . . small . . . . too small. It was full when I got there and there were still people looking for seats, people who I think were family members of the students. Sooooo, I came home . . . no play.

My handiman/friend Mike is working on expanding the heating system in my house so that it will go into more areas of the house. The problem is that the addition to the house doesn't have room for heating ducts, so he's rigging it through ceilings of one room into walls of the added room. Messyyyyyyyyy! Dust everywhere. In the middle of phase 2, his leg swelled up due to an infection and on Thursday night on his way over to my place, his car broke down . . . big time . . . a major malfunction.

So, I've got a bathroom full of dust I want to clean up (I did the bedroom; I couldn't stand it) but I know he'll back to make more dust . . . but when???

Today. He's a night owl and doesn't seem to start anything before 3 p.m. Last Tues. (a day I work both my jobs), I didn't get him out of the house until after 11 p.m. (my alarm rings at 5:50 a.m.)

I think he's back today because I made him feel guilty about the delay (which makes me feel quilty), but he's here making more dust. I told him that he does NOT have to wait for me to be home to work on this project (In fact, I'd prefer it). He's a very sweet man who has been there for me during many emergencies. He's somewhat ADD, but he's been like a guardian angel since I've been on my own. Still, my patience . . . .

I got a nice new computer a week ago Wed. and I love it. Buuuut, we're still in that breaking in period. We got past the fatal errors and now I'm trying to find out why I could print from the internet on Wed. but couldn't print out my student's paper from a word file on Friday night (which is what a person who can't even take herself out for a date on a Friday night does). Note to self: Tell students that they are NOT allowed to turn in digital forms of their research papers . . . hard copy only!

What is the Universe trying to teach me??? What my breaking point is? Apparently it doesn't take much!

I think it's about change and control.

My home is my refuge. It's where I put things the way I want and keep the things that mean something to me. Good God, it's where I nap!! And right now I don't have any control over it. But even more tenuous . . . the person I've turned it over to doesn't seem to have any control over what's going on either. Nothing is anyone's fault, but it's unnerving to me. It's reminded me that control is an illusion. Really, I have no control over anything in my life. The wind could blow a different direction tomorrow and it could all change . . . . without consulting me. That is how life is.

The question for me is: How do I get comfortable with that? Or a least, how do I keep that from driving me crazy?

Right now my solution appears to be low-fat ice cream with a sprinking (ok, a pummeling) of M&Ms on it.

Gotta go. Thanks for listening. :o)