Let's all take a time out . . .

I'm starting to think that the whole planet needs to take a time-out. Let's all stop and take three big deep breaths and think about what we're doing. Fear is ricocheting all over the place. Apparently the end of the world is at hand.

I can't watch the news--any news. It's hard to read the paper; the obituaries are three pages long now! People are checking out and wigging out. Time-out!

Right now at my job with the medical group, there is about a 50-50 chance that I'll get laid off in the next six month. Cuts have been happening and people are jumping around pointing fingers at each other for every little thing. I can only guess that they want to appear more keep-worthy than someone else, so accusations to others are a pre-emptive strike. I want no part of this. I don't even want to be around it. The negative energy is beyond fatiguing. I will not arm wrestle someone for job duties even if I feel they are playing dirty. Soooooo, that might get me laid off. Well, one reason I won't fight for my job is because it just doesn't mean that much to me as far as my contribution to the world goes. As far as needed money, it means a lot to me. But I've gotten to the age where I'm thinking about what my legacy will be and keeping the bills paid and getting the best bargains on supplies for a doctor's group just doesn't cut it sometimes. So I'm ambivalent about the possibility of getting laid off (except for the bone crushing fear of losing my house, living in poverty, and having no retirement, but hey, nothing's perfect). But I've been wanting to leave this job for ages. Maybe the Universe is taking me at my word. So I need to trust that if I'm going to be leaving the old and familiar, there will be better things for me around the corner. I've gone through massive changes before, so I can do it again if I need to, right? RIGHT.

If I'm not asked to leave, I hope the job itself improves. I've gone on the lookout for what might be available for me and jumping ship at this point doesn't seem the wisest move. It seems that anything I might jump to would mean a significant reduction in pay. As it is, two jobs are necessary for me to keep things going as they are. And I really don't want to go from one mind-numbing job to another. This is where I do my best to tune into the guidance of the Universe. So far, it doesn't seem to be talking much--but I still keep trying to listen. Or maybe the batter's in the bowl and it will let me know when the cake is out of the oven. The Universe knows I have skills and talents and I want to use them and be adequately or even well compensated for them. Would that be such a terrible thing to ask?

The semester started and I'm glad to be back in the classroom. After only the first night (preliminary sense), I think I have another good class. The publishing company sent me the wrong book, so I picked one up at the college bookstore and have been cramming for at least the next two week's worth of lesson plans. The correct book is pretty good--much better than the book they sent me in error. There are some good thought-provoking pieces that will be good for discussions and group work.

Update: the heating system is in!!! Buuuuut, Mike accidently put his knee through my ceiling in the hallway. He's almost done patching it and I'll paint when he gets done. The paint for the back bathroom was a terrible match. I ended up painting a section of the wall the new color to help disguise the patched spots. It still looks funny, but I decided it's some sort of artistic expression to have half of two walls painted a different color. I still want to manifest a bathroom remodel (so I won't have to worry about wall and tile cracks anymore), but with the job situation as is, I'll stick with multi-color eclectic.

I got an "A" in my Internet class. That felt good because I hadn't done any academic work like that in a while and I wondered if I could still do it. And I discovered that I can still BS my way through class assignments. On one assignment I started answering a set of questions from the wrong area of a web site two times before I found the right place. Even though I was in the wrong place twice, I found a way to answer questions that didn't even apply to the area I was in. Talk about skillful "crafting." My degree should have been a B.S. instead of a B.A.

My stress level has been high, but I've been working on it. One thing I do is clean and organize. I have to say, things are looking pretty good--even my yards. I used to say that if I ever got a sex life, my yards would go to hell. Sadly, my yards are in really good shape. :o(

I've been meditating regularly and that really helps a lot. Sometimes that's what I hang onto during the day--the thought that I get to be in one position and do nothing for 20 minutes. It's very helpful. Maybe that's my time-out. I need it and it helps.

I wish everyone would take their time-outs and move fear to the side. All is well.