Spiritual being having a human experience

I've decided to come back to my blog with a focus on my journey as a spiritual being having a human experience. I've heard that term so many times that I don't know who to attribute it to. I know that several spiritual traditions see our lives as such.

The topic that came to me in meditation was that of how I value myself. It is deeply ingrained in me that my value lies in what I accomplish, how busy I am, and/or how many people require my time. I think this concept is replete throughout our culture--particularly for women. With that definition of value, it would seem that at this point in my life, I am of very little value.

There were several periods in my life when (according to the above definition of value) I was very valuable. But now, with an empty nest and no full-time job, I appear to be of quite low value. Unfortunately, my mind seems to have bought into this concept and it whips me up into a frenzy trying to help me find value according to the old model. I clean my house, job hunt, and prepare lessons for my part-time job teaching. There's no problem with that, but my mind has decided that I need to be anxious about all of that, as if the perfectly clean house, the great job, or the wonderful lesson plan will bring me back some value. In my mind, tending to myself is conditional--if it will help me produce something tangible and make me or keep me valuable, then it's ok. Otherwise, no.

As I walk my spiritual path, I'm working toward valuing the spiritualness and the beingness of me. I am worthy of taking up space on the planet because I AM. I am consciousness and I have value because of my existence.

Ever since I was let go from my job, my mind has fought me in my feelings of a need to meditate. Why should I waste time like that? What does meditation produce? Sure, when you were working you needed to meditate, to take a break so you could recharge and go out and "do" more. But you're just hanging around the house being useless. Why do you need to meditate? Do another job search on the Internet, Lazy!

My mind is fighting me on this blog too. Even if writing an entry will help me clarify my thoughts and feelings and help me find creative expression, that's not a good enough accomplishment to take time for it. Since I opened up this blog page, my mind and found me several things for me to do to pull me away from writing.

The wise people say not to fight the mind but to embrace it. So here goes: Dear mind (ego), thank you for all the wonderful things you have done for me. You have really pulled me through a lot. You are terrific. And as a reward for all your good work, you can take a break. You can rest. You can let other aspects of my beingness come forward and offer their gifts. You can let us all rest so that the divine can come through and direct us to our best possible place. We still have work to do, but it's different work. Spiritual work. But I will still need you to help me manuever through his "human experience" world. I promise I will never forget about you, so please step back and be part of a team. There is so much more to me than what I do, I need to manifest my wholeness into the world and I'm asking for your help. Thank you.

May I experience more and more minutes each day in which I see my value in my amness rather than just in my doingness.

And So It Is